#12. White Supremacy

Here's one of those entries that you could argue either way on, and since you love nit-picking my selections, you're going to say this one shouldn't be here. You're gonna say, “White supremacy still exists, just not on the same scale as it used to.” And you are technically correct.

But for the most part, there's no mainstream white supremacy left, other than from Rush Limbaugh, people in Mississippi, and the sport of hockey. And Rush Limbaugh's a douche, Mississippi is a tumor, and hockey is Canadian, so none of those really count.

Rush Limbaugh

Now, for the most part, it's stuck in a bathroom stall in the men's room at an all-you-can-eat buffet in North Carolina. When I was there, I saw that someone had etched “Nigeration, 1/20/08” on the wooden door, obviously refering to the fact that a black man, Joe Biden, was gonna be nigerated on that day.

And that's just terrible. Misspelling nigger? Good god man.


Yet still, that's really nothing, or at least it used to be considered nothing.

It used to be if a black man looked at a white girl, a gang would go, kidnap the black man, tie him up, play in one-on-one so that the white guy can say, “I beat a black man one-on-one!” and then massacre the body using only the most rusty household appliances. And those were the lucky victims.

The unlucky ones had to watch lesbian curling

Black people had to walk on their side of the street, sit in the back of the bus (part of Alabama's policy of Aliterative politics, Black boys' behinds on back of bus), use their own powder rooms, and consent to being lynched at least twice a month.

On the other hand, white people had the obligation to dress up in white sheets and burn crosses on black people's lawns. They also controled the government and could seize the black peoples lawns, but white southerners were always too dumb to think of that.

All of a sudden, all this shit died. And everyone attributes it to the Civil Rights Movement. But that's wrong, and you have to trust me because I'm a history major.


No, white supremacy died not because of changing political movements but because white people found another group to put down.

Blacks had become too strong, too well-organized, too foul smelling to fight. Why fight the New York Yankees when you can fight the Kansas City Royals? Why fight the British when you can fight Canada?

No, the whites in the south turned their attentions onto belittling the Hispanics, more commonly known by the derogative nickname of “Mexicans,” (except in South Florida, where the old Jewish people chose the much more sexy name of “Cubans”), who were quickly arriving from a place called “Latin America.”


And the best part of the Mexicans arriving were that the black people didn't like them, because they were willing to collect paychecks to sleep on the job for less money than the blacks were willing to do the same for.

White supremacy, once the preeminent feature of a southern Democracy, became White and Black co-supremacy over the Mexicans, and that's just not as fun to say as White supremacy.

So that too died, and we're all back to hating the Jews.